It seems like the quickest way to get rich is to write a book about self worth and how to achieve confidence. Self affirmations are a form of religion at the temple of me and we believe that saying something over and over again to ourselves will make it true. "You are incredible. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are capable of anything." While I don't find anything deeply wrong with this, I do find that it doesn't work for me. I end up questioning all of the affirmations. Perhaps you do this as well. "What makes me incredible, if I am at all? What good is strength if it disappears when I need it most? Who really thinks I'm beautiful and what purpose does that serve? There is no way that I am capable of anything. I know better. I've tried too many things that failed."
Today I have been thinking a lot about how we measure self worth. When I make art I sometimes listen to music but over the past few months I've been digging deeply into some podcasts. One of my favorites is The Accidental Creative, hosted by Todd Henry. Todd mentioned something in a recent episode about how our time IS our life and what we choose to do with that time is what we naturally end up doing with our life (paraphrased). It must have been a message I really needed to hear, because another podcast I like called Ask Pastor John dealt with the same issue and I heard both within the same hour. John Piper addressed the issue of entertainment addiction (particularly video games) and how easily we can give away so many hours of our lives each day.
These thoughts from both podcasters were simple, yet hit me in a profound way. They caused me not to question how I am spending my time, but what I want to experience each day. I imagined a life-size person built out of Legos, each piece representing a day and color coded based on how fulfilling that day was. The brightest colors were the most incredible days loaded with great moments and nourishing experiences, and the darkest colors representing days dealing with self pity, lack of energy, or just plain complacency. There were also clear or invisible blocks representing days with too much time spent playing video games, watching TV, or the worst of all...flicking through social media. We get to choose each piece for each day. Sometimes we choose immediately when we wake up, sometimes we reflect at the end of the day, and sometimes we give it no thought at all. Many of us are walking blindly through life with no aim, no goal, no self analysis.
I believe in the afterlife. I believe that there is a purpose to life but it is so easy to stop looking towards that purpose and just fill our time with entertainment and substandard experiences. We want to be distracted from ourselves (at least I do) so that we don't have to deal with racing thoughts, problems we cannot control, fear of mortality, or the never-ending race to get ahead. My most fulfilling days, the ones that get the brightest lime green and hot pink Legos, are the ones I spend camping with my wife and kids or on the beach watching my sons learn to surf. Riding motorcycles with friends and having deep philosophical or theological conversations over coffee make for some pretty colorful days as well.
Measuring self worth by the amount of meaningful experiences you have rather than the amount of things you have or the number of social media followers and likes you get, will certainly cause you to examine how you spend your time. Your time is your life. That's it. They are not separate. How you spend your time is how you live your life. Are you happy with how you've spent your free time today? What will you do tomorrow? How will these questions help you reevaluate your self worth? I think this theme will be an ongoing one as I work toward more regular blogging. Yes, blogging on topics of mental and spiritual health is one way I'd like to spend my time. Especially if you get some good out of it. I make art for the exact same reason. I get something out of the process and hope you get something from the outcome.
Please share your thoughts on this. I really want to know what you think.
God bless,
Bryan
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